I just don't know whether to try and wait it out or assume it'll never get better. Since we had that talk, I've been trying to love myself. My heart changed, and while I can honestly say I still love my husband, I’m not sure I’m still “in love” with him. Physical intimacy scares me. When we came to the conclusion that I needed to love myself, I had never really thought about the idea before and it blew my mind to realize that a bunch of other people love themselves and that's why they're so successful in life. I could start interrupting the "I fucking hate myself I want to die You're a fucking idiot You can't do anything right you fucking retard" chorus that had occupied my skull for years. I have family and friends that love me. as far as the being in love with your straight best friend it sucks, and as much as it hurts it is unfortunately a right of passage for all gay people. I used to have a really high sex drive but it has waned as well. I feel like it's a long story and people won't understand if I just shorten it. i have love for everyone but myself all track are by barnes blvd. I used to be able to make friends. I don’t trust you. I didn't like myself before then too, but atleast I had childhood innocence and the world seemed brighter and I felt like there were more possibilities. A big hug. Watch yourself trying to force yourself to love yourself; don't interfere, it's habit by now, just watch it. I can’t kill myself. I don't really hate myself, but I don't love myself either - I feel neutral about it. And sure, masturbation exists, but the human body and mind need physical touch from other humans. Pretty soon people start to see that, and You love myself more each day. And this isn't just a lockdown thing - when people have been complaining about not having sex during lockdown, I chuckle to myself because it's completely normal for me to go twice as long as this lockdown without sex. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I cannot imagine someone being happy with me when I’m such a mess inside and out. And yet sometime between then and now, my feelings changed. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson I suppose in a way it was denial. Its my fault. But I just don't know what to do. It didn't use to be as bad but from the time I went into college I've gained over 100 pounds leaving me now at the heaviest I've ever been. Once I forgave myself for that. Hailee Steinfeld – Love Myself (Official Video)Download The Song! I'm 22 now. That hopefulness that I'd lose weight, and record an EP, and go out and meet new people and date and have fun experiences... it was all just denial. I think I'll eventually die and it will hopefully be alone and no one will get hurt. Now not so much. And the worst part? We were very happy to start off, but we drifted apart when we started college, she wanted to be an actress and I … Those are things I can and do love about myself. It took time for me to understand, both those things about myself and about what self-love looks like for me. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to share this post. Press J to jump to the feed. My hand is damaged right now and I can't type fast. This subreddit is for those who have questions about how to improve any aspects of their lives, from motivation and procrastination, to social skills and fitness, and everything in between. Not for a one night stand let alone for marriage. My future for now seems to be finishing my bachelor's degree and finding a job so I can eventually move to some shitty apartment far away so my family and friends don't have to watch me deteriorate. The one thing that kept me going was music. That's why, once a relationship stops making us … I don't think I'd want to kill myself atleast not until my parents pass which will hopefully be in a long long time. 4:49 - cody banks 4. Undying love. A wife and kids to settle down with and raise. I've tried a million things, but I recently talked to a close friend about it, and we basically came to the conclusion that the prerequisite for all the advice she was giving was that I needed to love myself. And every break it has ever had has only been there to tear it wider. And then, slowly, when I fucked up, I could think. But I think the biggest reason I can't seem to love myself is that I can't meet my own needs: I have barely any physical intimacy or romance in my life. His presence in my life adds so much more than just his love. Before you say sex isn't a need, it is. I feel like my social prowess has atrophied. Finding joy in what I do with my time every day, having a relentless sense of humor about any and every. I'm becoming numb to it. I've lost alot of friends who do not understand this, and a relationship. Denial in thinking that things will be better and denial in thinking that I'm worth something. So I took some time figured out all the positives about myself: personality, talents, doing things for others and not wanting anything in return..stuff like that, and building on them. I used to feel this ache in my belly to write and play and record and now its nothing. I've struggled with depression since I was about 14. it annoys me, my bedroom is my "comfort/safety zone". “Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you.” I'm a ball of anxiety that has a bunch of needs that I can't meet, that I never asked for anyway. I am 25 years old and struggle with erectile dysfunction. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. You can’t imagine anyone daydreaming about you when they get bored at work. 1. It's first on the list of maslow's hierarchy, and speaking personally, the lack of it distracts from everything else in my life. I think about suicide alot. Of course, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future, which is why this is something you need to read. I fell last week and have a cast on my wrist. I write music. I don't think I'm good enough. I literally hit rock bottom and I couldn't control myself. I feel like crying. I don't deserve to move on from any of the bad things I have going on. Watch your reactions when you think "I can't love myself… I think most people don't talk about physical touch needs because they satisfy their needs most of the time so they don't think about it. I'm lucky. People who are in a relationship with a person who cannot love should realize that this has nothing to do with them. I’ll never be happy again. All I see is someone so hideous and unlovable. I've had a long storied history with dating and relationships. I've just accepted that in all likelihood I'll fail again, like I always have. I have been working hard all my life hoping some time that I would love myself. My depression got so crippling I didn't even want to arrange band practices. My only friends are from when I was in school. If you have any of these problems, it might be worth asking yourself if you’re even capable of love. I know in a few years, less if the weight gain increases, my knees and back will start to hurt and a myriad of other negative drawbacks. I can’t no longer ignore it. Sending you my love, (because I can’t send it to myself!) And now I can feel it starting to take its toll on my body. (disclaimers: 1. before you say I should see a therapist - I do. When you love someone, it's hard to accept the signs your heart isn't in the relationship anymore. I can't tell … These are a few of the tips I offer patients, as well as ones that I've used myself when I was in the grips of serious depression. To open it more. It scares me. 2:07 - i have love for everyone but myself 3. "Oh, that person loves themselves - no wonder they act the way they do!". I used to lay awake in bed and listen to albums and just feel this euphoria. Hear me out you depressed soul as i understand your feelings as i have gone through the similar situation and i believe many in this world have too. You can’t imagine anyone ever falling for you, because it’s never happened before. They deserve better. If I did, I would've done something about it by now. The truth is it feels like I'm lying to myself. I feel like my entire life has been a waste. For a long time, I've always felt like there's something wrong with me because I've never been in anything even close to a relationship (despite wanting and trying), yet everyone I know seamlessly gets into relationships whenever they want to. I've lost about 15 pounds in the last few weeks due to diet alone which is good but I feel like I'm about to relapse again. TLDR: don't be a dick, be confident and positive. They have their own lives. It sounds worse when I shorten it. They love me and I love them but life moves on. you brave wonderful woman. Press J to jump to the feed. The rejection hurt but in time it too became numb. Energy in motion. I say this a lot here, but -- watch it when you meditate. I got myself out of there, and began the process of ending it. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I feel like if ever someone actually wanted to be with me I'd just be inadequate and disappoint. I don't think I'd be a good dad. I used to go to class and atleast distract myself with that but now I just lay in bed for hours and cry. I've written so much material and yet not even a single actual release because I don't have the drive or commitment to record my music. Apart from my job and creative endeavors I wanted a family. Watch your reactions when you try to force the love. At this point I don't have anything to offer pretty much anyone. It's sort of like when I realized that not everyone has anxiety, and how nice that must be to live without it. I am sending you a love award and hoping that other redditors are able to offer you more support. I'm ugly and overweight. I haven't made a new friend since highschool. I know I've done lots of good things in my life but I can't get past this at the moment. I am very successful in my career, so I've got that. This really hits home. But … I've lost lots of weight but relapse. Hope your hand gets better soon. I feel like an utter loser who can’t do anything with their life, except for pitying myself. When thinking about your problem, I don’t think you can’t love, I think you are just trying to love … The last few months have been bad. I'm also guilty of promoting self love quite heavily and until recently, I didn't realise just how isolating that can be for those who feel like they just can't love themselves. Not an unhealthy amount. 2. I resent my father but in a lot of ways I'm becoming like him. Now wonderful wife and daughter and still the same daemon as in I am the one holding myself back with negative imaging. Peer support for anyone struggling with a depressive disorder. Every day since I was 14. I felt as if my life was over because of the hours I spent in a VERY dark world. I'll keep trying. You are most certainly NOT defective or alone in these feelings at all. I play guitar. We love each other and we love most things about the life we've built. I'm sorry if this is a creepy post. I can get an erection but can’t maintain it during intercourse. I don't blame women for not wanting me. I was luckily never seduced into Nice Guy and Incel rhetoric. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t want to live if my child can’t. We all have our stories of the straight girl/guy/best friend we fell in love with who just never returned our feelings and broke our hearts. I have been to my doctor for tests and am relatively healthy. 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